Holiday Horror Movies

Well, it's that special time of the year where we gather with our families around a nice meal and open gifts around a murdered tree... Oh wait! Is this the year 2020? Well gosh golly those plans have gone down the drain! So while we hope for a better 2021, here is a review of a few holiday horror movies I found on Amazon ( the devil ) Prime.

P2 ( 2007 )

Do you have an irritational fear of parking garages and carrying a flip phone beyond 2006? Well this movie is just right to scare your socks off! This movie was odd but also a PSA on sexual harassment in the work place? A parking lot attendant is obsessed with an office worker who was kind to him and wants her to join him for a creepy Christmas dinner. She declines and then the horror begins! There was also a lot of running back and forth in parking structures, flooding elevators, very little overnight staff, dumb cops and a dog who didn't deserve to be caught in the middle of this mess. He didn't know his owner was a psychopath. Honestly, this movie was barely holiday related other than the fact that she was going to a family holiday gathering and they couldn't tell by her voice that something was wrong. Drives me nuts! In the end this movie is a 6/10. Passable.

Jack Frost (1997 )

Before you get excited, not THAT Jack Frost. There's no Michael Keaton in this movie. Jack Frost is the story of "the worlds most pissed off snow cone" and also a genetically modified escaped prisoner. This Small town wasn't ready for the hell that was about to snow down on them! Most accurate scene was when two teens are looking to hook up but have to remove several layers of clothes in order to do so. We are talking long underwear, folks! Realism! Like a killer snowman birthed from genetic liquids and snow! Oh, but the snow is super fake looking and a girl, played by a young Shannon Elizabeth, is killed by a snow man's carrot penis. The movie is ridiculous but also entertaining in the campy B rated sort of way. 7/10 just cause it knows what it is.

Dead By Christmas (2018)

Spoilers in the title! This was a really very terrible bad awful movie. It's budget was 25k ( I had to look it up! ) which they spent all on Yankee candles for the set. Every scene had candles in it. This college project (?) was for sure filmed on their phones. Bad audio with EXTREME closeups on people's faces. I honestly don't need to see the layers of makeup. So, the story is about a bunch of orphans returning home for the holidays and then I skipped a head a bunch because it was painful to watch and listen to. I should also mention the acting was bad. Very truly bad. If you can sit through the whole thing, you are a champ! 1/10 I wish I could unknow this movie.

Dead End ( 2004 )

I actually enjoyed this one right up until the end. They always have to explain things and they should have just left it. The movie is a bout a family driving to a holiday family supper but for some reason the road they are on keeps going forever. They never get anywhere, they are just endlessly driving. Anytime they would stop to get out to stretch their legs, masturbate in the woods ( it’s a thing that happened in the movie!) or decide cutting through the woods was a better idea... something from the shadows would grab them and leave nothing but their butchered corpse. Yet, for some reason, they never run out of gas. 8/10 This movie I actually watched. Plus Lin Shaye is in it and she does good crazy!

Better Watch Out ( 2017 )

I guess they were going for a sort of Norman Bates kind of bad guy minus the stuffed mother in this one. I think this movie would have been much better had they cast someone else as the psycho spoiled kid. I just didn't find this psycho teen, trying to bed his babysitter, super believable. And then he Home Alones a guy with a paint can, not cool! Anyhow, the movie itself is passble, I honestly just couldn't get into whatever this actor was trying to accomplish. 4/10

And Finally...

Holiday Hell ( 2019 )

I did enjoy parts of this movie. The concept was very interesting. A young woman walks into a curiosity shop looking for a gift for her sister. The clerk explains that every item in his shop has a story. The rest of the movie are short stories based on the object of which she is curious. The first object is a Doll face mask. The story behind this object isn't totally what stands out. What does is that one single character says " OMG!" 15 times a scene and they are opening beers they don't make that " psshh!" sound. So, they are drinking pre-opened beers? O-M-G you guys! The second story was better and my favorite featuring a Rabbi Golem Doll who kills to protect a boy from thieves. I was a bit thrown that the mom and babysitter in this story have nearly the same haircut and coloring. It's weird! The 3rd story features a bloody Santa suit. And it's that same old story, guy dresses as Santa at Holiday work party and finds wife banging the guy that got his promotion. A murderous rampage ensues. The end of this movie was odd featuring a cult or Covent. The big take away from the ending is that there's a Seth Rogen in overalls look alike. 5/10 It had its moments.