A Few Horror Movies 2022

This would also be a good title for a Coffee movie.

The veil between worlds is thinning as Halloween approaches and that means I’ve got some horror movies to complain about!

Since shutting down my shop and focusing on growing this baby, I’ve had some time to watch terrible and passable horror movies. Now, my standards are not very high and some peoples acting/writing/producing skills are the same. Let's kick things off with:

The Hunting Grounds (2017)

After the tragic death of his mom, a young man and his father are forced to move to a hunting cabin/shanty in the woods. A building made of particle board and plywood. A real fancy shanty with windows. When they arrive, the place has been trashed…I guess. They chalk it up to backwoods hoodlums, as one does and go about their lives. The father then invites his brother in law ( a guy that owns a bunch of gyms but seems to be sporting some lean muscles) and a deranged hunting buddy. But wait, murderous Sasquatches show up? They are technically just defending their territory and keeping people hostage in a cave but this ain’t no Harry and the Hendersons! Here’s my issue with the ‘Squatches: they are strong enough to knock over a tree and heavy enough to squash a man’s head with their foot but not so heavy that when they are standing on a shanty roof it doesn’t collapse? I want my ‘Squatch lore to be consistent. Also, for a bunch of hunters, they can’t seem to aim and hit a giant beast man that’s 2 feet in front of them standing in an open window. In the end this movie was meh and I give it a 3/10.

No Such Things As Monsters (2022)

A couple takes off for what I vaguely remember was a weekend camping trip in the Australian bush. So far nothing bad could ever happen, right? But when some random young people/ family set up camp right next to them, as though there was nowhere else to camp, a lot of weird vibes start coming from this group. Including a burn victim covered in bandages giving back massages. Ya know because they are taking masseuse classes. The couple lets their guard down and blammo! Kidnapped! The boyfriend becomes a sex slave and the sister women take turns with him. The girlfriend gets chained up in her trailer ( that the baddies towed to their house in the woods) and gets raped and pregnant. MONTHS PASS! Yes, months! No one is looking for this couple apparently. The girlfriend is very pregnant at this point as well as the sister kidnappers. Babies for all! There’s also a little incest in this movie, why not! Eventually, the pregnant girlfriend gets her shit together and gets the upper hand on the baddies. This is the part in every horror movie that I despise, I was yelling at the character to just shoot. But no! Let’s give the bad guys a chance to get away. It’s very frustrating! There’s a weird twist in this movie at the end where the burn victim goes to the bathroom. If you plan to watch this one, let me know your thoughts. You’ll know what I mean when you watch it. This movie was decent enough just not so believable that no one was looking for them for almost 9 months. And that even after all that time, you wouldn’t hesitate to shoot everyone and ask questions later. 4/10

Goodnight Mommy ( 2022)

Sure, why not read Frankenstein to your kids before bed!

A bit better cast wise with a big name like Naomi Watts taking the lead. Prime really wanted me to watch this one and made a tantalizing trailer. My whole family watched it and we discussed the details of this movie at length. It’s the kind of movie that leaves you wondering. No closure! It’s a remake of a German movie ( which seems 50 times more horrific than the American version) There’s so many twists in this movie that I can’t really give a synopsis but I do want to address one thing. If you are a father dropping your kids off at their mom’s and she is not outside to greet them, why aren’t you walking the kids to the door? Even if you had spoken earlier, why not drop them off and make sure she’s home. That was my biggest takeaway from the movie. I still have a lot of questions about the story in this movie and really wished they had wrapped it up neatly at the end. I have to say it wasn’t the worst movie. I’m still left with so many unanswered questions like why was there rotten food in the mom’s room? If you watch it, please let me know. My family has a lot of crazy theories. 7/10

Forget Me Not (2009)

Do children playing games in a cemetery late at night terrify you? I’m not talking about Clue or anything but some weird hide and seek game. I think this may be the second movie I’ve seen where kids play this game OR I’ve watched this movie twice and didn’t notice. So this movie is a haunt/horror movie. Teens teening about, grinding on whoever (dang youths!), unrequited love and then friends vanishing but no one remembers they even existed to begin with. A classic Saturday night! I remember the end of this being “ SERIOUSLY?” Big takeaway from this one is that Bella Thorne ( an actress I don’t generally enjoy watching and hope her character is killed off quickly) was but a wee little one in this movie! Other than that, the movie is okay. Could have maybe used a few murderous Sasquatches but we can’t always get what we want! 4/10

And that’s all I got folks! Hope you enjoyed the read!